Most Absurd Conflict Ever and Other Fun Stuff

I just gobbled up a bunch of books in the last several days. Elizabeth Hoyt's To Desire A Devil, Amanda Quick's With This Ring, and An Affair Before Christmas by Eloisa James. 

In a nutshell....

Amanda Quick is the master of the universe. The first 13 pages of With This Ring are absolute perfection. Her writing never ceases to amaze me...she can nail an entire scene with a single word. Everything about this book is perfect...the storyline is tight, the characters are larger than life, the mystery engaging, the humor is spot on. Leo, the Mad Monk of Monkcrest, and Beatrice, secret author of "horrid novels," are a fantastic pairing. Honestly, I just cannot get enough of Amanda Quick's romances. 

Elizabeth Hoyt's To Desire A Devil was a good ending to the series. Not as good as To Beguile A Beast, which I adored. I had a problem with Reynauld ripping off his shirt in the House of Lords to expose the scars on his back. This scene did not ring true for me. However, I really enjoyed the backstory about Reynaud's experience in the colonies. What attracted me initially to EH's writing is that her historicals are a little bit edgy, earthy, lusty, sometimes downright nasty (in a good way). I love the juxtaposition of the formality of Regency England and the lusty sexuality of her characters. However, this book seemed more like a traditional historical to me, it was definitely lacking the intense sexuality found in To Beguile A Beast. 

As of yesterday, I have discovered the most ludicrous central conflict ever to grace a romance novel. 

A hairdo.

Yes, that is correct. Eloisa James' An Affair Before Christmas explores the failing marriage of Poppy and the Duke of Fletcher. Why, you ask, is their marriage failing? Well, Fletch thinks Poppy is frigid in bed, when in actuality, her hair is itchy and she is unable to concentrate on the pleasure he is attempting to give her. 

(Yes, I was speechless, too). Hee hee hee heeeeee.....Oh my goodness, this is so absurd it is delicious. Truly!

In Poppy's defense, her hairdo is one of those big, perfumed, powdered monstrosities, with glued-on feathers, etc. And there are a few other reasons the marriage is not working out, but suffice it to say, once the hair conflict is resolved, everything else "falls into place"--pun intended. In spite of an overabundance of sub-plots involving dukes, duchesses, mother-in-laws from hell, etc., Eloisa James manages to spin a remarkably romantic tale. I was completely engrossed in Fletcher's determination to win back the woman he loved. The end is very sweet and satisfying and very romantic. I just adored this snippet of dialogue....

*****

"Poppy, what did you think that Christmas was for?"

"Nibbling on gingerbread men?" she whispered.

"I'm your Christmas gingerbread man," he said.....

*****

Love it! What a great line! :)

Thanks to everyone who stopped by for Sven's interview yesterday. A winner will be announced soon.

Penelope

Klaus Brother's Invasion Week 3: Sven Klaus

The Klaus Brother's Invasion continues at Penelope's. This week toy designing, tree-hugging, Birkenstock-wearing, hunky blond hippy Sven Klaus is joining us. He is one of the five Klaus brothers (Nicholas, Sven, Gregor,Oskar and Wolfgang) in my debut novel Sweet Inspiration, which will be released on 12-02-09 by The Wild Rose Press. Sven is into wood-working, tie-dying T-shirts, and saving the environment. He already looked through my recycling area and scolded me. I'm in serious doo-doo when he finds my paper plates.

One lucky commenter will be winning an Amazon gift card, so please feel free to leave a message for Sven!

[FYI, Sven is wearing ripped blue jeans with his Birkies, a very brightly colored tie-dyed T-shirt with Ben and Jerry on the front, his shoulder-length blond hair is looking shaggy and delicious, and he has some luscious scruff on his face that makes me want to jump with joy. And I can see his rockin' arm-band tat of holly and ivy with the old-world letter "K" in the middle. Nice biceps. Is it getting hot in here???]

*****

Penelope: Hi Sven! Thanks for joining us today at Penelope's. I know you're swamped with work in Glasdorf right now, trying to get ready for the Christmas season.

Sven: Yeah. The cool thing is how many kids still like to get good old-fashioned wooden toys. You'd think that the video extravaganza would make the wooden stuff obsolete, but we still get a lot of orders for toy trains. They're classic.

Pen: Do you feel uncomfortable using trees, a natural resource, to make toys? Doesn't that offend your environmental sensibility?

Sven: (laughing) You get right to the heart of the matter, eh, Pen? Still pissed I yelled at you about your paper plate collection?

Pen: Just saying, you should put your money where your mouth is....

Sven: We plant ten trees for every one used to make toys at the workshop, Miss Smarty Pants. And, thanks to a little bit of elfin magik, we can accelerate their growth. We actually have an incredibly diverse forest of deciduous trees in Glasdorf that my forestry engineers oversee. I like to have a nice selection of woods for my designs, all different colors and textures.

Pen: (grumbling) Big deal. You plant some trees. I recycle.

Sven: I noticed the large assortment of beer bottles in your glass bin. Corona, Magic Hat, Beck's, Pumpkin Ale....

Pen: Give me a break, Sven! First of all, I just had a party and that's why there are so many bottles this week. And second of all, I know you and your brothers are regular beer drinkers at Dag's Bar in the North Pole. Although I've heard the elves can drink the Klaus Boys under the table.

Wolfgang: True. Especially Monie and his buds. You know you're in trouble when he starts playing ZZ Top on the jukebox. 

Sven: I won't deny our love for Dag's. He uses some sort of magic when he brews up those pale ales. They are tasty.

Oskar: Hey Pen. Sven probably hasn't told you, but he rocks at Quarters. If he ever challenges you to a game, take a pass. Or you'll be passed out in no time.

Sven: They're exaggerating.

Pen: Hmm. I'll avoid engaging Sven in drinking games, for sure. Thanks for the heads up, O.

O: No problem. Sven, mom is stoked about the new rocker you made for her. Penny, check this out.

Pen: Oh My God, this is gorgeous, Sven. How did you make this star design on the rocker?

Sven: Thanks, Penny. I had a really good time working on this project. The main part of the rocker is made from quilted Pacific Maple, and the star in-lay is composed of three different woods: Lacewood, Cherry and Madrone.

Pen: Wow! I love the different colors and textures. Your mom must be thrilled that all of her furniture is hand-built and designed by you.

Sven: Yeah, my mom's a sweetheart. She also likes to tie dye T-shirts for my collection. 

Wolfgang: Uh oh. I just found some cans in Penny's regular garbage.

Pen: Wolfie! What the heck are you doing, Mr. Garbage Police! Trying to get me in more trouble with Eco-Buddy over here?

Wolfie: (laughing) Just keeping you on your toes, that's all.

Sven: Damn it, Penny. You are so damned lazy...all you have to do is rinse them out...

O: I have an idea. Why don't we all tie dye some T-shirts? The elfin kids are having a party this weekend and they love to dress up.

Pen: Thanks for the change of subject, O.

O: You owe me.

Wolf: (laughing) Great idea, O. I can take some with me to the pediatric center at the hospital. (high fives Oskar)

Sven: Cool. Mom has some environmentally friendly botanical dyes. I'll get the stuff we need. You guys wrangle up the T-shirts. And Penny....

Pen: Yes?

Sven: We'll be re-sorting your garbage later. Don't think you're getting out of it.

Pen: (groans) Fine. 

Please leave a message for Sven while we tie dye T-shirts. He would love to hear from you! Congrats to Patti who won our Ami gift card last week.

Beard Of The Day

As we all know, Penelope has a fierce fondness for beards. She finds it shocking that a great number of women are still reluctant to embrace the deliciousness of facial hair. So, I have decided to implement a new subtle strategy to convert these "anti-beard" individuals over to the dark side. By posting delicious hunk-aramas sporting beards/staches/goatees, etc. I am hoping to rope in some converts. 

Beard of the Day for Nov. 6, 2009 is compliments of Gerard Butler. Nicely trimmed, excellent scruffy texture. I give it an A+! (And the sad, puppy-dog eyes are a nice touch, too!)

Penelope

Awards, Honesty and Mindless Botanical Knowledge

Thanks to Patti at Book Addict for this award. I am supposed to pick 7 blogs to pass this along to, and then list 10 honest things about myself. Well, the blogs I would have picked have already won the award, and I feel sort of uncomfortable only picking 7. I read a lot of blogs, and a nice chunk of them can be seen in my sidebar. So please take a look. In addition to some really fun romance blogs (some are serious, some are irreverent, some are silly, and some are informational....and oh yeah, some are crude, rude and make me laugh!), I also have some writer's blogs, and some non-romance blogs, such as The Long and Short Of It All (a great dachshund site) and Please Pack Your Knives And Go (a Top Chef site which is hilarious). I will now attempt to write 10 honest things about myself.

1. I have been known to huddle inside the bathroom with a romance novel to avoid my children. 

2. I met my husband in organic chemistry lab (he was the lab intern).  I got a D- in organic chemistry. My husband won the organic chemistry award at graduation. I guess opposites attract.

3. Sometimes I skip meals and instead drink a gingerbread latte from Starbucks. Same number of calories.

4. My daughter and I like to play Britney Spears' videos and dance around my office.

5. I don't write because I have to, because it is my destiny, or because I have people talking in my head. I write because it's fun.

6. My dream is to live in a shack in Vermont.

7. I have a wee, little obsession with beards. (Picture Hugh Jackman as Wolverine). Get it?

8. I adore dachshunds, and when I see strangers on the street walking their wiener dogs I squeal with happiness.

9. I have a master's degree in plant taxonomy, and I pretty much know the Latin names for every freaking plant I see. Which is pretty much taking up a lot of brain cells for no apparent reason.

10. I haven't read a non-romance book in at least 5 years. Which drives my husband nuts. But it makes me very happy! :)

I am hoping to finish To Desire A Devil today. I read the second half first, and the first half second, and now I'm reading the whole damned thing. What a muddle. At least the swine flu epidemic has temporarily vacated my household. Sheesh! I'm pretty damned close to sending my kids to school in astronaut gear. Maybe that would help.

Penelope

Winner Announced!

Congrats to Patti, from the romance blog Book Addict, for winning the Amazon gift card compliments of Gregor Klaus. (I swear it's not because she gave me an award this week. I honestly picked her name out of the hat! Ask my daughter!). Anyway, please stop by on Monday, Nov. 9 for Sven's visit. He's the shaggy-haired, Birkenstock-wearing, hippy-ish toy designer from the North Pole. (And he is also hunk-alicious, of course!) Thanks to everyone for stopping by this week. And now I am off to re-write my WIP (oh, happy days!) and read the first half of Elizabeth Hoyt's To Desire a Devil. I read the second half last night. My bad. I know. Sometimes I like to read things backwards, OK?

Penelope

Klaus Brother's Invasion Week 2: Gregor Klaus

Welcome to Week 2 of the Klaus Brother's Invasion. For five consecutive Mondays the Klaus brothers (Nicholas, Sven, Wolfgang, Gregor and Oskar) from Penny Watson's debut novel Sweet Inspiration, will be entertaining us at Penelope's. Today we have Gregor Klaus visiting with us...financial guru of Klaus Enterprises, snappy dresser extraordinaire, and most likely president of his high school math club. Gregor lives in Manhattan, and jets back and forth (via sleigh, of course) to the North Pole. Please leave a question or comment for Gregor, because one lucky commenter will be winning an Amazon gift card. Congrats to Jessica who won last week's prize!

*****

Pen: Welcome, Gregor. Thanks so much for hanging with us today. How are things going?

Gregor: Hi Pen. Thanks for inviting me. I'm feeling pretty good today. The economy seems to be on an upswing right now, so it's all good.

Pen: Hmm. That smells delicious. Are you drinking coffee?

Gregor: (lifts left eyebrow) Actually, I'm drinking 100% Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee. Nicely balanced, fruity, high acidity. It's an excellent bean.

Pen: (silence)

Gregor: What?

Pen: I guess you don't go to Dunk-ee Donuts or Starbucks, do you? Actually, my new favorite coffee is pumpkin spice latte. Very festive for the holiday season.

Greg: (silence)

Pen: What?

Gregor: I don't drink flavored coffee. 

Pen: (rolls eyes) I need to add something to your bio.

Greg: Yeah. What's that?

Pen: Coffee Snob.

Greg: (laughs) And proud of it. Maybe we'll have a little tasting later and see what you think. I'll bet I can get you hooked on the good stuff, and Dunk-ee Donuts will just be a distant, ill-tasting memory.

Pen: You can try, bubs. So, why don't we talk about your job a little bit. How tough is it overseeing the finances of Klaus Enterprises? You guys certainly have a big organization.

Gregor: It is very complex. Klaus Enterprises is not just about toys, as one might imagine. We also produce holiday baked goods and candies, winter clothing, household items, etc. And our toy production includes educational materials for children. My brother Wolfie is also in charge of our charitable division, and we funnel a lot of money into that, not just at the holidays, but year-long. So yeah, my job is pretty intense. But I love it.

Pen: What do you do for down-time? Any hobbies?

Greg: Sleep is always good.

Pen: Geez, Gregor, you sound like a work-aholic. You must do something for fun.

Gregor: I do love to travel, but I haven't been able to fit in any leisure trips lately with the market fluctuations over the past year. I must admit that traveling to tropical destinations is a welcome change from the arctic temperatures in Glasdorf.

Oskar: Hey Pen. Gregor must have forgotten how much he enjoys Vegas.

Sven: Vegas isn't tropical.

O: It is when you're getting a lap dance. (O and Sven bump fists)

Gregor: Jesus, O, do you have to keep reminding me about that trip? I am trying valiantly to forget it. I am still feeling the effects of that hang-over from hell.

Pen: Hard to imagine Gregor with a hang-over. You're so buttoned up in your nice suit.

Greg: Thanks, Penny.  I'm wearing a 2-button wool suit by Dolce and Gabbana, Gucci shirt, and the tie is Giorgio Armani. 

O: And my ensemble is tattered T-shirt from the Oskar Klaus Collection.

Sven: I prefer Birkenstocks, circa 2002. (laughter in background)

Gregor: (does not look amused) An appreciation for well-tailored clothes obviously skipped several of the brothers in my family.

Pen: Well, I personally love your tailored look. You fill out that suit nicely. And the goatee...Yowzah. Looking fine, Gregor.

Gregor: (blushing) Uh, thanks.

Sven: Hey Pen, did Gregor tell you about his cool glass hobby? He is an amazing designer. Works with this crazy-ass elf Ewald. They create stained glass windows for all of the cottages in Glasdorf.

Pen: Gregor, is that true? You holding out on me?

Gregor: (shrugs) It's not that big a deal. Designing with glass is a nice way to unwind. Ewald is a Bleiglasfenster Master (master of stained glass). His designs are extra special because of the elfin magik. The designs are not static; they are constantly shifting and changing. Very cool.

Pen: Woa! I would love to see that. When's my trip to Glasdorf? Hint, hint....

Gregor: You're so subtle, Penny. Have to get permission from the Council of Seven before any Suddies are allowed to visit. You know that.

Oskar: Good luck with that, Pen. The council can get a little bit....

Sven: Grouchy.

Gregor: Irritable.

Oskar: Judgmental. Pissed off. Irate. Veins popping out of their foreheads, spittle flying....

Pen: Sorry, O, didn't mean to conjure up any bad memories.

O: (grimaces) I'll just think happy thoughts. Lap dances. Vegas show-girls named Lola. (smiles)

Pen: For the love of God, Oskar. Gregor, did you really go with these hooligans to Vegas?

Gregor: (laughs) I did. It was a blast. Don't think I could handle that much partying all the time, but every once in a while it's nice to hang out with my brothers. And Lola. (winks at Pen)

Pen: (blushing) Are you flirting with me? I'm married you know.

Gregor: I know. Look, it's been fun but I have a morning meeting at the bank. 

Oskar: I gotta run too. I have to finalize my trip to Mammoth. I heard a nice snow storm is brewing.

Sven: Later, Pen. I have a quota to fill today for wooden train sets. Don't want any kids to be disappointed this Christmas.

Pen: Okay, guys, see you later. Gregor, don't forget to check in and chat with my visitors. I know the ladies will have a lot of questions for you. 

Gregor: Don't worry. I'll be returning, and bringing bags of high-end coffee beans with me. I'll have you off the pumpkin spice lattes by the end of the day.

Pen: Don't bet on it!

*****

Thanks for stopping by. Please leave a comment for Gregor, and you might win a gift card from Amazon (an early holiday treat!). Also, please feel free to make fun of Gregor for being a coffee snob. He can take it! 

Review of Kresley Cole's Untouchable In Deep Kiss Of Winter

Untouchable by Kresley Cole

First of all, I have not read Gena Showalter's story yet. This review is only for Kresley Cole's novella, Untouchable. Second, I am an idiot. I did not realize as I was clicking that fun little button for primetime customers at Amazon that this was a freakin' hardcover. So, I am doubly irked that I did not like this story, and I paid out the wazoo for it. 

Okay, I am seriously disappointed. Lots of folks loved this story, and I was all jazzed up. I did not love KC's last book Kiss of a Demon King.  I was hoping that this author would re-capture the magic soon, since A Hunger Like No Other is one of my favorite paranormals of all time. Here is what I liked about the story....

Good Stuff:

• Cover: scrum-diddly-icious
• Title: Untouchable is such a great title for Daniela the Ice Queen
• Premise for story: Half-fey, half-ice princess who cannot touch or be touched...incredibly great premise for a romance novel
• the build-up and anticipation for hot sex....Murdoch and Daniela staring at each other's lips, bodies, not being able to consummate their lust...hot diggity damn, Cole knows how to build up the anticipation
• the Wroth brothers (as you know, I LOVE cool brotherhood stories, and the Wroth brothers rock it)
• the whole ice thing....gorgeous imagery, absolutely spectacular. I especially loved the description of Murdoch's home after Daniela transformed it into her own ice castle...so cool!

Bad Stuff:

• After all that good build-up for the hot sex, I found their kiss unremarkable, and the sex was hotter when they couldn't touch each other. What the????????
• Pacing was off. Too much time walking around New Orleans, too much time with Daniela hanging out BY HERSELF in Siberia (Jesus H. Canola!), not enough action. In a short novella, gotta keep the action going. And I know damned well KC can do this...she is a master of it. But not here.
• No emotional connection. All the deep POV was about how pissed Murdoch was to be bonded to Daniela. When/how/where does he fall in love with her? Not feeling it.
• Re-hashing the other stories already visited in other books. Not a good idea, slowed down this story and was confusing if you haven't read the other books in the series.
• Re-cycling conflict. Same sentiment from Lachlain in AHLNO...why I am bonded to this girl? I'm so pissed off. Enough already, get over yourself. Here is the plot in a nutshell.....

I don't like you (but I lust for you).

Well, I don't like you either (but you are a hottie).

Still don't like you. Pissed we are bonded.

Well, I still don't like you either.

(This continues until the last 5?10? pages....)

Oh, I figured out I am in love with you. Let's get it on.

Okay.

(I apologize for the sarcasm, but sheesh! This whole thing got tiresome.)

So, I am a bit torn. There were some cool things about this book, but the bottom line is I didn't feel the love connection, and the lust connection started out with great potential, but in my opinion failed to deliver. Bummer. Still love this author and pray for the next installment.

Grade:? C+/B- (not really sure how to grade it)

Planning to carve a pumpkin,

Penelope

P.S. Here is a link to the Youtube book trailer....hee hee hee!

Feeling Paranormal-ish

I am looking forward to the weekend. Paranormal activities will include Halloween parades, parties, trick-or-treating, hopefully watching a butt-load of horror movies on the Sci Fi Channel, and of course a couple of paranormal romance novels. One is Kresley Cole's Deep Kiss of Winter, which I am very excited to read. And the other is an ARC of Annette Blair's Naked Dragon, which looks very lusty and funny. Hope everyone is looking forward to a horror-licious weekend. Too bad all 14 bags of Halloween candy mysteriously disappeared and all I have left is one pack of twizzlers. 

Paranormally pleased,

Penelope

Contest Winner!

Big congratulations to Jessica, who won an Amazon gift card, compliments of Oskar Klaus. (Jessica, Oskar said you should check out the Chinese poetry section, but I'll let you decide for yourself what awesome books to buy!) Thanks to everyone who stopped by for Oskar's Invasion. Next Monday, Nov. 2, will be Gregor's day to entertain us. (He's the financial wiz for Klaus Enterprises, and he looks seriously hot in his suit. Yowzah!)  I will be posting an interview with new author Michelle Picard in the near future. Her book Ruling Eden will be released soon by Crescent Moon Press. Hope everyone is having a great week. 

Prepping for a Pumpkin Spice Latte,

Penelope

Klaus Brother's Invasion Week 1: Oskar Klaus

Howdy, everyone! I am back from a rocking New Jersey romance writer's conference. Had a most excellent time with The Quirky Ladies, met some new authors, listened to some cool workshops, drank an incredible mango cocktail, hung out in a bizarre lounge area decorated with lava lamps, a disco ball, leopard-skin pillows, and sequin-covered walls. I shit you not. (Photos at The Quirky Ladies.) And now I am happy to welcome Oskar Klaus, youngest brother of Nicholas Klaus (hero of my novel Sweet Inspiration) to Penelope's Romance Reviews. 

Yep, today is the beginning of the Klaus Brother's Invasion! For the next five Mondays, the Klaus boys (Oskar, Sven, Gregor, Wolfgang and Nicholas) will be entertaining us at Penelope's. For those of you who have missed my shameless self-promotion over the last six months, I am releasing my debut novel Sweet Inspiration in December. It's a light paranormal holiday romance, featuring the Klaus family in the North Pole. And each of the five Klaus brothers just happens to be hunkalicious. (Please refer to header photo of Oskar Klaus.) This isn't actually the perfect photo of Oskar since you can't see the dyed hair, Dr. Seuss hat, or his plethora of tats. (Hey, I just used plethora in a sentence. Do I get some sort of award?). Anyway, Oskar is the youngest of the Klaus brood, and he's pretty much a snowboard punk, and Director Of Elfin Resources at the pole. Please leave a comment for Oskar, since one lucky visitor will be winning an Amazon gift card. Oh, here he is now.....Woa! Nice hair. I've never actually seen that color of neon orange before.

Oskar: Thanks! It's my tribute to Halloween. 

[From Penelope: So you all get a nice visual, Oskar is wearing low-rider ripped up blue jeans, purple Doc Martens, an old T-shirt that says Drink Your Ovaltine!--with the sleeves pushed up so you can see his smokin' tats, cool mirrored Oakley sunglasses and his Dr. Seuss hat.]

Penelope: Well, thanks so much for stopping by. I know things must be getting a little nuts in the North Pole right about now. Cranking out millions of toys, keeping those rowdy elves in line...

Oskar: You got that right. The elves are driving me nuts this month. For some reason, they are on this Extreme Manhunt kick.

Pen: My 12 year old son loves to play that game! How exactly do you play Extreme Manhunt in the North Pole?

O: Probably the same way a bunch of twelve year old boys do. The elves dress up in black, run around Glasdorf with nerf guns, and shoot the crap out of each other. Well, your son probably doesn't get rip-roaring drunk at Dag's Bar first. And he probably uses a flashlight at night instead of sternschnuppen to light the way.

Pen: (FYI, Glasdorf is the town in the North Pole where Oskar and his family reside. And sternschnuppen is a kind of elfin magik that looks like tiny shooting stars.) Actually that sounds pretty fun, Oskar.

O: Yeah, it's all fun until someone falls off a roof into a huge snowdrift and breaks his back. Although I must admit I kicked some serious ass the last time we played. Won a bag of magik pebbles from Monie and the gang.

Pen: Well, other than participating in Elfin Extreme Manhunt, what's going on lately?

Oskar: Actually, I'm stoked to be here today. When I found out this is a book blog, I got really excited because I just recently finished this very cool book of Chinese poetry, and I can't wait to talk about it...

Pen: Woa....hold on there, buddy. Oskar, are you high?

O: Huh?

Pen: I haven't read a book of poetry since I was in middle school. Seriously. This is a romance blog. As in, romance novels.

O: What?!

Pen: I haven't read a non-romance book for at least 5 years, maybe longer.

O: (Raises left eyebrow mockingly.) Are you kidding me? Nothing else?

Pen: Nope.

O: How about a biography?

Pen: Nope.

O: Mystery?

Pen: Uh uh.

O: Jesus! (Scratches his head, removes Dr. Seuss hat, gives me a sly smile and a dimple pops out). I'll bet you've read your kids a Dr. Seuss book.

Pen: Ohhh, yeah. Got me. I do read children's books quite a bit. My favorite Dr. Seuss is Too Many Daves. You know..."Did I ever tell you that Mrs. McCave had 23 sons and she named them all Dave?"

O: (laughing) "Well, she did. And that wasn't a smart thing to do. You see, when she wants one and calls out 'Yoo-hoo! Come into the house, Dave!' she doesn't get one. All 23 Daves of hers come on the run!"

Pen: My daughter loves that one, too.

O: So do the elfin kids in Glasdorf.  But seriously, Pen, that is sick. I mean, there's a hell of a lot of cool books out there besides the bodice ripper variety.

Pen: Dude, no disparaging remarks about romance novels. Or you'll be eating your Seuss hat, got it? Anyway, how did a snowboarding punk get to be such a voracious reader?

O: Dude, no disparaging remarks about snowboard punks. 

Pen: Touché.

O: Honestly, unless you're an elf, Glasdorf can get a little bit boring. Reading was my favorite activity growing up. I read everything...biographies, travel books, horror, mystery, poetry, you name it. (Blushes). Maybe even a, um, you know....spicy bodice ripper-style, a couple of times.

Pen: (snickers) Well, well, well. So there's erotica in the North Pole, eh?

O: (rolls his eyes). Well, I managed to squeeze in some other activities besides reading, too. You know...snowboarding, taking Dad's sleigh out for joy rides, sneaking into Dag's bar for the pool tourney, ski-jumping, stuffing firecrackers down the chimney, and....

Pen: Oskar?

O: Yeah?

Pen: How many times did you get called before the Council Of Seven? [The Council Of Seven is the governing body of Glasdorf, composed of seven crotchety old elves.]

Oskar: Addendum to FYI..."composed of seven crotchety old elves who like to torture Oskar Klaus as much as humanly possible."

Pen: Now O, they are just doing their job. You're just too good at breaking the rules.

Oskar: Well, somebody's got to do it. 

Pen: So, snowboarding is your first love, right?

O: Hell, yeah. I'm planning an epic trip to Mammoth in a couple of weeks. Gonna sneak out and let Boris take over for a bit.

Pen: Who's Boris?

O: My assistant in Elfin Resources. Basically, if I get him a box of Cubans, he can be bribed to do just about anything. 

Sven: Yeah, like fix Dad's sleigh after Oskar smashed it into little bits.

Wolfgang: And miraculously produce a hot tub just when seventeen snow bunnies showed up at Oskar's condo for a party.

Sven: Oh yeah, remember when Boris told dad that Oskar had broken his leg that time he was in Vegas....

Oskar: Hey! First of all, get the hell out of here. Today is my day to host Penelope's. You have your own damned days later in the month. Second of all, shut the hell up. I'm sure Penelope does not want to hear about that trip to Vegas...

Pen: Hey Wolfie! Hi Sven. I would love to hear about Vegas. Sounds Vega-licious. Hee hee hee.

Oskar: Out! Now! Or I'll bring out those photos of Sven wearing his night brace and Wolfie hiking the Alps wearing lederhosen.

Wolfgang: (blanches) Shit. I thought I threw away all of those photos.

O: (smiles and raises an eyebrow) Nope. Mom has some stashed away for "safe-keeping."

Wolf: (salutes) I'm out of here. You know, plenty of people in Germany wear those things. It's not that weird if you're in Europe.

Sven: (staring at Wolfie as though he's lost his mind). O, you are a douche to bring up my night brace. Anyway, the ladies seem to like my smile, so I guess it turned out okay. (Sven and Wolfie bump fists and walk away, laughing).

O: (Shakes his head.) Anyway, like I was saying. Boris is a good guy. 

Pen: I know. He has some awesome scenes in the book I'm writing now, Sweet Magik. It's the second one of the Klaus Brother Series.

O: Why is Boris in Sweet Magik?

Pen: Because it's your story, Oskar.

O: Whaaaaat???!!!! You cannot be serious. But I'm the youngest brother. My story should be last. Why not Sven? Or Gregor? I'm not ready to settle down. Seriously. Big mistake. That's what happens, right? I get hooked up with some chick for life? Jesus, I think I need a beer.

Pen: It's only 8 am, too early for a beer. And quit being such a big baby. Your "chick" is beautiful, smart and extremely well read.

O: (perks up a bit) Really? Tell me more.

Pen: No way. Gotta wait until the book comes out, Christmas 2010. Well, gotta run and get the kiddies off to school. Why don't you hang out here and chat with my visitors. And no fooling around Penelope's website. If I find a review of Chinese poetry when I get back...

Oskar: (laughing) I swear I will refrain from posting poetry discussions while you're gone. Please leave a comment/question for me, since Pen will be choosing one lucky commenter to get an Amazon gift card. Thanks again, Penelope for having me over as a guest today.

Pen: Thanks, O!